20 WAYS TO CONFUSE TRICK-OR-TREATERS

1. Give away something other than candy. Tooth picks, golf balls,
bags of sand, goldfish, etc.

2. Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get
near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag,
and yell, "TRICK OR TREAT!" Look at them, scratch your head,
and act confused.

3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "TOP
SECRET" in big letters. when trick-or-treaters come, look
around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give
them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.

4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or
-treaters come to the door, say, "come in!" When they do, have
everyone yell, "SURPRISE!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.

5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they
can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that
it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.

6. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.

7. Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse,
and don't move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go
away.

8. When you answer the door, hold up one candy bar, throw it out
into the street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"

9. When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act
shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam
the door and run around the house, screaming until they go
away.

10. Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before
you give them any candy.

11. Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order
their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine
list.

12. Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at
anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.

13. When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window,
crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your
house as you can.

14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or
-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start
flipping through the calendar.

15. Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests,
explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over
from Easter.

16. Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick
-or-treaters a two hour lecture on tooth decay.

17. Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M's and several
half-eaten candy bars in your hand. Act surprised, and close
the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you
don't have any candy.

18. Hand out cigarettes and bottles of aspirin.

19. Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on
your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow
before the pumpkin.

20. Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment
you open the door, and angrily throw the candy at the
trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you're finished.