The Five Stages Of Drunk:

Provided as a public service, so that on the upcoming holiday,
you don't have to experience these stages yourself, at least
not all of them!

Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in
the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to
pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this
stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are
talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting
argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person
in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to
a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to
talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can
talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the
world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored
truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this
stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all
your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will
also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST
LOOKING person in the world.

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone
especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing.
This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to
the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits
or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you
are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can
do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table
to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the
people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to
the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the
street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see
or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the
words.