February 26, 2004

(Today's list was originally published on February 3, 1999)


The Top 13 Miracles Not Mentioned in the Bible


13> The Plague of the Hickeys

12> The Parting of Don King's Hair

11> And in these gospels did many sentences begin with the word
"And," yet the Net-Grammarians remained silent.

10> The Near-Perfect Slicing of the Pringles

9> Awkward teenage Jesus swinging a date with Nazareth High's
head cheerleader.

8> "Moses then parted the red cheeks and let forth a blast
which halted the Egyptians in their path."

7> First Try: Jesus turns water into Earl Grey tea.

6> "Water into Wine" and "Loaves and Fishes" were pretty good,
but "Oregano into Primo Mexican Weed" was *truly* impressive.

5> The Supersizing of the Multitude under the Golden Arches

4> Moses' mother letting him wander around the desert for
forty years without calling or visiting her in Miami Beach
even once.

3> Methuselah wedding Anna Nicole Smith at the age of 893.

2> Apprentice Savior Marvin helping a blind man to hear.


and Topfive.com's Number 1 Miracle Not Mentioned in the Bible...


1> Jesus becoming a brown-haired, blue-eyed Caucasian, despite
having been born a Middle Eastern Jew.