An elder American absent mindedly arrived at French customs at Paris
airport and fumbled for his passport. "You have been to France before
Monsieur?", the customs officer asked sarcastically. The ancient Yank
admitted that he had been to France before. "Then you should know enough
to have your passport ready for inspection", snapped the irate official.
The American said that the last time he came to France he did not have
to show his passport. "Impossible, old man. You Americans always have to
show your passports on arrival in France." The old American gave the
Frenchman a long hard look. "I assure you, young man, that when I came
ashore on Omaha Beach in Normandy on D Day in 1944, there was no goddam
Frenchman on the beach asking to see my passport!"

===============================================================

Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him
that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in
heaven. Fidel must go to hell.

So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells
him to make himself at home. Then Fidel notices that he left his
luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who says, "No hay problema, I'll send
a couple of little devils to get your stuff."

When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked -
St. Peter is having lunch - and they start debating what to do. Finally
one comes up with the idea that they should go over the wall and get the
luggage.

As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel
says to the other, "My God! Fidel has been in hell no more than ten
minutes and we're already getting refugees.!
===============================================================

Bob, a middle-aged Canadian tourist on his first visit
to Orlando, Florida, finds the red light district and
enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be
seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him.

They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she
sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!
Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain
the gentleman.

They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she
sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear, and she too screams, "No!" and
walks quickly away.

The madam is surprised that this ordinary looking
man has asked for something so outrageous that her
two girls will have nothing to do with him. She
decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola,
will do. Lola has never said no, and it's not likely
anything would surprise her. So the madam sends
her over to Bob. The sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle
a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers
in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!" and
smacks him as hard as she can and leaves.

Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen
nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel.
She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long
time, but she's sure she has said yes to everything a
man could possibly ask for. She just has to find out
what this man wants that has made her girls so angry.
Besides she sees a chance to teach her employees a
lesson.

So she goes over to Bob and says tat she's the best in
the house and is available. She sits and talks with him.
They frolic, giggle, drink and then she sits in his lap.

Bob leans forwards and whispers in her ear, "Can I
pay in Canadian currency?"

==============================================================

WHAT SEX ARE THEY??

ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always
see right through them.

SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging
out.

COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up.

TIRE - male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON - male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to
light a fire under it and, of course, there's the hot air part.

SPONGES - female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS - female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER - male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years,
but it's handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL - female .. Ha! You thought I'd say male. But consider
this: it gives men pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he
doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.




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