The Top 15 Holiday Alertness Tips


15> Beware of bearded religious fanatics penetrating the air space
above your house or chimney.

14> Anthrax spores may arrive in the guise of small white flakes
descending from the sky. Run for cover!

13> This year, avoid the New Year's Eve fireworks display in
Mosul.

12> Beware of people sucking candy canes in a way that makes
them very, very pointy.

9> Keep in mind that airport security personnel spend 75% less
time processing naked people through checkpoints.

3> Do random strip searches of secretaries at the company holiday
party. THIS year, the Attorney General's got your back!
8> Fruit cakes, if stacked properly, can make an effective and
tasty bomb shelter.