April 15, 2003


(Today's list was originally published on May 16, 2001)


The Top 16 Lines You'll Never Hear in a Western
(Part I)


16> "As your attorney, I must strongly advise you against
participating in that showdown in the middle of town.
The liability issues are staggering."

15> "Well me, the construction worker, and my sailor buddy are
here to tell y'all, it's *fun* to go to the YMCA!"

14> "Take it from me, Festus, a good pair o' nylons keeps the
chaps from riding up."

13> "Barkeep! Another round of Slippery Nipples for my posse."

12> "Miss Kitty, I don't think I've ever seen stirrups used quite
like that before."

11> "In this town we got a way to deal with murderin' scum like
you, Bart -- civil litigation!"

10> "Whose turn is it to change the potpourri in the bunkhouse?"

9> "Well, men, the Apaches have burned down our fort and stolen
our women... but considering what we've done to THEM, I
think they're showing remarkable self-restraint."

8> "You had me at 'Howdy.'"

7> "Yeah, I'm sure he was an Indian -- his name was
Amandip Gupta."

6> "That's *Sheriff* Richard Simmons to you, pardner."

5> "I cain't go in the saloon! Brown Bart's wearin' the same
shirt I'm a-wearin'!"

4> "They call me... Moesha."

3> "Dadgummit, boys, slow down on that vichyssoise or you ain't
gonna have no room for the tiramisu!"

2> "Three to five day waiting period? But I got a duel at
sundown!"


and Topfive.com's Number 1 Line You'll Never Hear in a Western...


1> "reach 4 the sky! :-O put all ur $$$ in the bag, lol."