April 16, 2003


(Today's list was originally published on May 17, 2001)


The Top 16 Lines You'll Never Hear in a Western
(Part II)


16> "I reckon I'll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist.
IN A DIRTY MUG!"

15> "Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction,
let's draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive
solution."

14> "Can we postpone this duel till 12:05? I gotta use the
little boys' room."

13> "Injuns! Quick, pull the wagons into an irregular dodecagon!"

12> "Y'know, Badlands Pete... a roaring campfire, good coffee,
nice prairie breeze, just you 'n' me... what say we put
on the rhinestone gowns and dance a jig or two?"

11> "Guns? We don't need no stinking guns!"

10> "I'm tellin' ya, I ain't shot no varmints since them PETA
fellers set me straight."

9> "Let's see... hardtack and pemmican... that's three grams of
fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches."

8> "Who let the dogies out?"

7> "You 'n' Slim round up them strays, and I'll tell Cookie
to get started on the gazpacho and the fondue."

6> "That's him! That's the yella-bellied varmint who shot
my therapist!"

5> "He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had
a keen eye for interior decoration."

4> "Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my ass look big?"

3> "Dammit, Jake, yer an enabler!"

2> "It's like I keep tellin' ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone,
women is from Dodge."


and Topfive.com's Number 1 Line You'll Never Hear in a Western...


1> "HANG HIM HIGH, BOYS!! ...Okay, now a little to the left...
Oooh! Stop right there. Perfect!"