August 4, 2003

(Today's list was originally published on September 4, 2001)


The Top 16 Sex Lessons We Can Learn From Movies


16> If Anthony Michael Hall can get some, there's hope for
ALL of us.

15> Inadvertent sex noises are as nonexistent as urinals on the
Enterprise.

14> Women are like busses: there's always another one on the
way. Also, their superstructures are usually made of some
rock-hard, no-bounce substance that guarantees uniformity
and brand recognition.

13> Women at bars? Always stunningly attractive and conveniently
easy!

12> Fortunately for our future scientists, hot Swedish exchange
students *always* want to make it with the class nerd.

11> Size *does* matter -- even more so when he's a sixty-foot-tall
ape.

10> No matter how much a woman hates you, planting an unexpected
but good strong kiss will make her yours for life!

9> The sexiest man is ALWAYS attracted to the drag queen.

8> You get to keep your bra on during intercourse only if you're
getting a percentage of the gross.

7> If a woman doesn't reach orgasm within 15 seconds, you're
DOING IT WRONG!!

6> "Condoms" are devices used for one purpose only -- to
embarrass teenagers who venture into the local drug store
to buy them.

5> Dudley Moore is *exactly* the sort of guy that a buxom
young hottie would want to have sex with.

4> Seriously, all your friends' moms are hot for you!

3> Women first try to kill James Bond, then end up having sex
with him. In real life, women rarely get past that first
stage.

2> Women aren't concerned about looking fat, even when you
sensuously feed them the entire contents of a Frigidaire.


and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sex Lesson We Can Learn From Movies...


1> If you decide to have sex with a pastry, lock the door.