Women With Big Boobs Are Smarter
Thursday November 27, 2003

BIG-BOOBED gals have a new reason to stick out their chests with pride. A surprising study proves they're more intelligent than their small-breasted sisters!

The study of 1,200 women conducted by Chicago sociologists comes in the wake of a recently released report stating that blonde rocket scientists outnumber brunettes.

"Although I hate to admit it, we found that women with big busts average 10 IQ points higher than less well-endowed women," reveals lead researcher Dr. Yvonne Rossdale, herself a meager 32A.

"The myth that women with voluptuous figures are not smart should now be shelved, along with the misconception that all blondes are dumb."

Dr. Rossdale measured the busts of women in Illinois, Kansas and Ohio and then divided them into five categories: Extra-small, Small, Medium, Large and Extra-large. These categories roughly corresponded to commercially available bra sizes, A, B,C, D and DD or above.

She then gave subjects in each category a standard IQ test and found that women in the Large and Extra-large category scored an average of 10 points higher than women in the Small and Extra-small categories. Medium-sized ladies had a three- to four-point edge over the flat-chested group.

"This is a wake up call to employers to drop the notion that women with large breasts are dumb," Dr. Rossdale says.

"Rather than automatically assuming that a woman with tremendous 'hooters' belongs in the typing pool, she should be considered for the executive track."

Experts aren't sure why bigger headlights translate into more brain power.

"One theory is that the female hormone estrogen, which is responsible for breast development and is also believed to give women extra protection from heart disease, may also play a role in intelligence," Dr. Rossdale says.

American women have the largest breasts in the world and our nation's knockers have been increasing in volume with each generation. According to a recent report, the average U.S. cup size has ballooned to an impressive C.

That, the sociologists speculate, may explain why the United States leads the world in science and technology.

"Well-endowed women, many of them shyly concealing their assets behind lab coats in research and development departments across the country, could be considered America's secret weapon," the researcher observes.

The false notion that bosomy babes are dumber than those who sport teensy "mosquito bites" is probably the fault of men, the sociologists theorize.

"It may simply be that men pay less attention when a large-breasted woman speaks," suggests Dr. Rossdale.

"She could accurately explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity to him, but if he's transfixed by her cleavage, it's doubtful he'll remember a single word she said. He'll remember her as sexy but stupid."