January 13, 2004


The Top 5 Quotes We Wish Were
in the "Lord of the Rings" Movies


5> "Go not by that path, Aragorn! For my young companion Osment
sees dead people!"

4> "Smeagol, do you like movies about gladiators?"

3> "You sure you ain't never been just a wee bit curious,
Mr. Frodo?"

2> "Ha! Let the dark armies of Saruman come! It would take
an entire brigade of giant mutant four-tusked elephants
to conquer our... well, son of a bitch!"


and Topfive.com's Number 1 Quote We Wish
Were in a "Lord of the Rings" Movie...


1> "Run, forest, run!"



Join ClubTop5 to see the whole list:
http://www.topfive.com/html/clubtop5.shtml



i don't get no.4, though...can anyone enlighten me?

yay. i'm off today and tomorrow. reward for passing the first test.
waking up after the sun is incredibly satisfying.

Santa Fe to Welcome Gay and Lesbian Retirees - SANTA FE, N.M. (Reuters) - Gay? Gray? How about Santa Fe?


sometimes these things just write themselves...

i passed my driving test today, first attempt!
i shall be the terror of tekong! the menace of marsiling! the scourge of (ulu) sembawang!^

man but i rock!
go me!
woot woot!

*does celebratory dance*


^ anybody who makes a reference to my driving abilities - or insinuates a lack thereof - with regard to these titles shall get a kick where the sun don't shine the next time i see you.

EXAMINATION, S.A.F. STYLE


Q1. What item do you use to check the engine oil level?
a. dip stick
b. ruler
c. tyre pressure gauge

Ans: c.


Q2. What is the purpose of "wooden block" in the tool box?
a. to choke (sic) the wheel when vehicle is stationary
b. to support the jack when removing or replacing tyre
c. to allow the driver to sit down and rest on it

Ans: c.


Q3. After you have carried out the fault finding, the breakdown vehicle still cannot be started, what is your next action?
a. contact the unit / VBS by the quickest means
b. wait for arrival of police
c. leave the SAF vehicle on the road side and take a taxi back to camp

Ans: c.


Q4. The driver is allowed to carry unauthorised people in his military vehicle. ( True / False )

Ans: T


Q5. Why must you insert the wheel choke (sic) when you park your vehicle?
a. to prevent the vehicle from rolling forward or backward
b. to prevent the wheel from dropping out from the vehicle
c. to allow the wheel to rest on the wheel choke

Ans: b.


Q6. The display of the "triangular warning sign" at the rear of the breakdown vehicle is to:
a. warn other road users that your behicle has broken down so that they can react in time to overtake the breakdown vehicle safely
b. warn other road users to stop their vehicle immediately
c. allow other road users to tow your vehicle back to your unit

Ans: c.


Q7. As a driver you should be alert for the following types of pedestrians:
a. elderly, children and drunk pedestrians
b. blind and children
c. poor and rich man

Ans: c.


Q1. What type of grease is used to lubricate the nipple in jeep?
a. grease XG 279
b. grease 8
c. caltex grease 6

Ans: i don't know, actually. i just find the idea of nipple grease strangely...erotic.



*all questions copied verbatim. appalling grammar and syntax is the sole property of the saf.

S'pore food packs for Iran quake victims - WHEN the Singapore Red Cross wanted to make sure the food they were sending to earthquake victims in Bam, Iran, would be palatable to them, they got help from an Iranian businessman based here

idiots! why don't you get help from the poor suckers who have to eat the bloody things, i.e. NSFs? we can tell you just how bloody "palatable" that gunk is!

...These dark green pouches of food are what national servicemen take with them on field exercises. Throw the pouch in boiling water for a few minutes and the food is ready to eat

the food is never "ready to eat" unless you happen to be packing a hazmat suit and gas mask. and you've cauterised your tastebuds.

...The pouches bear special labels with instructions in English and Farsi, which were printed by the Red Cross

for the sake of the iranians, i hope it reads "DANGER: toxic substance. if ingested seek medical attention immediately"

...Mr Lim Theam Poh, manager of Singapore Red Cross' international services division, said: 'This is food that our soldiers who are preparing for war eat to get their energy, so it will be just as good for the earthquake victims.'

you poor, ignorant sonofabitch.
there are people who survive on biscuits and water for days, just to avoid eating that crap, i kid you not.