right. my blog has unclogged its publishing colon, thereby allowing the turds which are my posts to flow through and splat in an ugly brown smelly mess onto the information superhighway.

see that up there? i'm practicing for one of those "worst introduction in literature" or whatever awards. a terrible, laboured analogy ending up with the piece de resistance - a cliché!

i think i still need more practice. it isn't easy coming up with crap...

anyway. update - pretty much settled into the new house. just connected the internet. finished unpacking. and i looked at everything i had unpacked , and i was pleased with what i saw.

ok. that was another bad one. i wonder if plagiarising the bible is a sin?
well, i'm already going to hell anyway.

so i just started my driving course today. i'm pretty chuffed - its definitely the best course available among the those my company is doing right now, imo. there're missile operators - weapons are bloody boring, missile or not. the recce guys who're learning to ride motorbikes - that's ok but learning to drive is more practical i think. and safer. scout course? no thanks.

so yeah. plus this course is stay out! so i'll be sleeping at home for a month! woot!

learning how to drive a jeep first. had an introductory go at it this afternoon and i think i'm doing ok. my instructor says i've got a natural talent for it and i pick things up really fast and i'm the best among his group of 5 trainees. that, in case you didn't realise, was a gratuitous self-plug. go me! :-p

but then again maybe he's telling the same thing to everyone else.

one downer is that there's quite a lot of theory lessons - friggin' boring. was struggling to stay awake. and i'm not sure i believe it, but its only the first day and i've already got homework: 120 MCQs of highway code TYS! man. and i thought school was bad.

and to top it off, my instructor wants his trainees to find a t-junction and a cross-junction, and stand there observing how the traffic lights work!

another one is that the camp we're at is quite ulu. 's in the middle of construction sites and industrial estates. and later on we'll be shifting to mandai camp for operational training; 'cos mandai camp is right next to the safti training ground. which, incidentally, the NASA used to train their astronauts because the terrain there so closely resembles the moon's. entire companies of men have been known to fall into the potholes along lorong asrama. *nods*

honest!

errr. i think maybe i haven't been using my brain for too long because everything i've typed so far seems rather crap. leagues below my usual world-class ( to use one of the gahmen's fave phrases ), pulitzer-standard writing.

snort / roll your eyes / laugh and i will rip your nose / eyes / bit-of-your-anatomy-in-charge-of-laughing ( tongue, is it? larynx? kidney? ) out of your body cavity with my bare hands.

well, maybe not with my bare hands. can't be too careful these days, what with all those nasty diseases going around. so i shall rip your nose / eyes / thingy out of your body cavity with my surgical-glove-covered-hands, sissy looking as it may be.

err.

i won something for the first time in my life today, i think.
it was some crap enzer vcd/cd/mp3 player worth about a hundred bucks, at a unit function lucky draw today. go me!

get fuzzy is my favourite comic in the papers.
bucky rocks.

why is my 'effing blog not publishing properly?

why? why? why?

Women With Big Boobs Are Smarter
Thursday November 27, 2003

BIG-BOOBED gals have a new reason to stick out their chests with pride. A surprising study proves they're more intelligent than their small-breasted sisters!

The study of 1,200 women conducted by Chicago sociologists comes in the wake of a recently released report stating that blonde rocket scientists outnumber brunettes.

"Although I hate to admit it, we found that women with big busts average 10 IQ points higher than less well-endowed women," reveals lead researcher Dr. Yvonne Rossdale, herself a meager 32A.

"The myth that women with voluptuous figures are not smart should now be shelved, along with the misconception that all blondes are dumb."

Dr. Rossdale measured the busts of women in Illinois, Kansas and Ohio and then divided them into five categories: Extra-small, Small, Medium, Large and Extra-large. These categories roughly corresponded to commercially available bra sizes, A, B,C, D and DD or above.

She then gave subjects in each category a standard IQ test and found that women in the Large and Extra-large category scored an average of 10 points higher than women in the Small and Extra-small categories. Medium-sized ladies had a three- to four-point edge over the flat-chested group.

"This is a wake up call to employers to drop the notion that women with large breasts are dumb," Dr. Rossdale says.

"Rather than automatically assuming that a woman with tremendous 'hooters' belongs in the typing pool, she should be considered for the executive track."

Experts aren't sure why bigger headlights translate into more brain power.

"One theory is that the female hormone estrogen, which is responsible for breast development and is also believed to give women extra protection from heart disease, may also play a role in intelligence," Dr. Rossdale says.

American women have the largest breasts in the world and our nation's knockers have been increasing in volume with each generation. According to a recent report, the average U.S. cup size has ballooned to an impressive C.

That, the sociologists speculate, may explain why the United States leads the world in science and technology.

"Well-endowed women, many of them shyly concealing their assets behind lab coats in research and development departments across the country, could be considered America's secret weapon," the researcher observes.

The false notion that bosomy babes are dumber than those who sport teensy "mosquito bites" is probably the fault of men, the sociologists theorize.

"It may simply be that men pay less attention when a large-breasted woman speaks," suggests Dr. Rossdale.

"She could accurately explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity to him, but if he's transfixed by her cleavage, it's doubtful he'll remember a single word she said. He'll remember her as sexy but stupid."

The Top 15 Holiday Alertness Tips


15> Beware of bearded religious fanatics penetrating the air space
above your house or chimney.

14> Anthrax spores may arrive in the guise of small white flakes
descending from the sky. Run for cover!

13> This year, avoid the New Year's Eve fireworks display in
Mosul.

12> Beware of people sucking candy canes in a way that makes
them very, very pointy.

9> Keep in mind that airport security personnel spend 75% less
time processing naked people through checkpoints.

3> Do random strip searches of secretaries at the company holiday
party. THIS year, the Attorney General's got your back!
8> Fruit cakes, if stacked properly, can make an effective and
tasty bomb shelter.

December 8, 2003

NOTE FROM CHRIS:

In a recent issue of Blender magazine, rapper Ludacris
said one of his favorite tour bus activities is
playing "hip-hop Scrabble," where only words such
as "bling" and "hizzo" are allowed on the board.


Excerpts from today's list:

The Top 15 Things Overheard
at a Hip-Hop Scrabble Tournament


14> "It has to be a regulation Scrabble set, Mr. Dogg. I can't
just let you bring in a bag of extra Z's."

8> "Well in *Detroit*, the plural of 'ho' is 'hoz,' sucka."

5> "You play on that E I'm scopin' and I may just have to
triple-letter-score a cap in yo' ass."

2> "Let's see: 'Shizznizzywizzle' on a triple word score gives
you... 87,000 points."