August 27, 2003

NOTE FROM CHRIS:

Continuing with our special California recall election week,
in which we choose two or three candidates each day and help
them come up with attention-getting campaign slogans.

Today's targets are both, er, ladies:

Angelyne, the top-heavy, sunglass-wearing,
pink-Corvette-driving Los Angeles billboard queen.
http://www.angelyne.com/tc.html

Mary Carey, the porn star who wants to install
live web cams in every room of the Governor's Mansion.
http://www.marycarey.com



The Top 10 Angelyne Campaign Slogans


10> I'll Raise Something Other Than Your Taxes

9> Bringing the Silicone to Silicon Valley

8> Can Anyone Possibly Be More Vapid Than Gray Davis? YES!

7> TWICE the Boob Your One Vote Usually Gets You

6> Let's Get California Back in the Pink (Corvette, That Is)

5> Don't Think, Just Vote for Me! Hurry Up! "Six Feet Under"
Is On in Twenty Minutes!

4> If I Can Balance These Puppies, I Can Balance the Budget

3> I'm NOTHING Like That Publicity-Whore, Mary Carey

2> Bigger Breasts Than Any Candidate Except Arnold


and Topfive.com's Number 1 Angelyne Campaign Slogan...


1> The Governor's Mansion Needs a New Set of Knockers




The Top 10 Mary Carey Slogans


10> For Once, Let the People Screw the Governor

9> Well-Prepared to Handle Those Pricks in the State Senate

8> I Challenge 100-Year-Old Candidate Mathilda Spak to a Topless
Debate -- Any Time, Anywhere!

7> Now You Can Chuckle Knowingly When Someone Says, "Your
Governor Sucks!"

6> Dying to Get in Bed With Special Interest Groups...
and Film It!

5> I'll Provide 'Jobs for the Entire State

4> Free Trial Campaign Speeches -- No Credit Card Needed!

3> I'm NOTHING Like That Publicity-Whore, Angelyne

2> Ohmygod, Your Ballot Is So Big! I Couldn't Possibly...
Oh... My... God! Yes! Vote Me, Baby! Vote Me Hard!


and Topfive.com's Number 1 Mary Carey Campaign Slogan...


1> A Lickin' in Every Spot

>Now that Uday & Qusay have been eliminated, a lot of the lesser-known family
>members are coming to the attention of American authorities.
>Among the brothers:
>Sooflay ............the restauranteur
>Guday...............the half-Australian brother
>Huray...............the sports fanatic
>Sashay..............the gay brother
>Kuntay & Kintay.....the twins from the African mother
>Sayhay..............the baseball player
>Ojay................the stalker/murderer
>Gulay...............the singer/entertainer
>Ebay................the internet czar
>Biliray.............the country music star
>Ecksray.............the radiologist
>Puray...............the blender factory owner
>Regay...............the half-Jamaican brother
>Tupay...............the one withbad hair
>Among the sisters:
>Pusay...............the 'loose' 22 yr old
>Lattay..............the coffee shop owner
>Bufay...............the 300 pound sister
>Dushay..............the clean sister
>Phayray.............the zoo worker in the gorilla house
>Sa pheway............the grocery store owner
>Ollay...............the half-mexican sister
>Gudlay..............the prostitute
>More will no doubt be discovered.

Q : I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true...?

A : Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it .
Don't waste them on exercise.
Everything wears out eventually.
Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer ;
that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.
Want to live longer...?
Take a nap...

Q : Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables...?

A : You must grasp logistical efficiencies.
What does a cow eat...? Hay and corn.
And what are these...? Vegetables.
So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain...? Eat chicken.
Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.


Q : Is beer or wine bad for me...?

A : Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables.
As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into 3 categories : animal, mineral, and vegetable.
We all know that beer and wine are not animal,
and they're not on the periodic table of elements,
so that only leaves one thing, right...?
My advice : Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.


Q : How can I calculate my body/fat ratio...?

A : Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is 1 : 1.
If you have 2 bodies, your ratio is 2 : 1, etc.


Q : What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program...?

A : Can't think of a single one, sorry.
My philosophy is : No Pain...Good.


Q : Aren't fried foods bad for you...?

A : You're not listening !
Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it.
How could getting more vegetables be bad for you...?


Q : What's the secret to healthy eating...?

A : Thicker gravy.


Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle...?

A : Definitely not !
When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


Q : Is chocolate bad for me...?

A : Are you crazy...? HELLO !
Cocoa beans ... another vegetable !!!
"It's the best feel-good food around !"


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

Have a cookie.... flour is a veggie !

err...

* While sitting at your desk make clockwise circles with your right foot.
* While doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.
Your foot will change direction!

i have a new hard drive and monitor. yay.
i'm celebrating by downloading more pr0n. woot.

life is pretty much the same old stuff these days. drudge. probably the most interesting thing that happened to me this week is when i cut myself shaving yesterday.

ntu is bloody ulu, yan. it has bloody one bus service ( what say we move those whining buangkok residents over? ) and its right next - i'm not exaggerating - to jungle. i know because on thursday, one minute i was being driven around the safti live firing area trying to find a certain sentry post and the next minute we were in ntu.
you poor, poor thing.

if you like the song from the peugeot ad and want to download it but have no idea what its name is: husan - by the bhangra knights.

thanks to louis who informed me tt my comments were not works.
cheers mate!