feminism: the radical idea that women are people.

English gone awry!
These are signs in hotels and other public places in foreign countries where they make the effort to write signs in English but their efforts go astray.

In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpuse.

In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpuse.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodist.

A traslated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

In a Rome laudry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?

On the tap in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.

In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranted to work throughout its useful life.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.

In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.

In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to USSR, you are welcome to it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.

In a Tokyo hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towel please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read this notice.

In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

In the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up the country people's fashion.

In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:

* English well talking.
* Here speeching American.

by request ( and you can guess who's request ), a selection of the cutest guys in my course! *snigger*

cute guys

last night the poor air defence artillery ( ada ) wing sods [ just about the only people in the airforce who still wear long 4 ] got tekkaned a bit, and for a moment, it felt just like i was back in hendon. ;-) but they had a really easy time of it, though - nothing like what we used to get.

reliable sources have confirmed that the officer banging them was earlier seen drinking in the mess.

"youssh are 2 shecondsss late! *hic* changesh backsh to no. 4sh! *hic*!"

first it was the pasir panjang market. now its the institute of mental health.

seems there's something about sars and vegetables... ;-p

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WEE LEE!

*grinz*


note to emil: i pirated this from your blog; i know what you'll say; so i took the liberty of saying it for you. ;-)

veni, vidi, xerox - i came, i saw, i copied

took some photos today. i'll probably snap more tomorrow too. the fact that cameras are banned makes things a bit difficult, though, so its hard to get outdoor pics. i shall endeavour.

the photos are not particularly sharp because i'm taking them at a low quality setting so as to keep the size down. still getting the hang of using the camera.

April 11, 2003


(Today's list was originally published on April 27, 2001)


NOTE FROM CHRIS:

MaternityOutfitters.com has started selling thongs
for pregnant women. The owner says, "It's
something that women get used to wearing and don't
want to quit wearing just because they're pregnant."

Right... well, that just *demands* a list, doesn't it?


The Top 15 Marketing Slogans for a Maternity Thong


15> Lose yourself in a thong. Or vice versa.

14> Being pregnant doesn't mean you have to stop looking
like a slut.

13> The ribbon for your baby's finish line.

12> Don't block the light -- give your baby a womb with a view!

11> In the third trimester, every pair of underwear you own
becomes a thong anyway!

10> Absolutely NOT zesty!

9> The choice of knocked-up tramps everywhere!

8> Appearing in Sisqo's nightmares since 1998!

7> An ass *that* big should be flaunted.

6> Because it's never to early to teach your baby to floss.

5> Hey, you already look like a sumo wrestler.

4> So snug, so tight, so razor thin. When he comes out,
he'll have a twin!

3> Sleek and sexy... like the string on a baked ham.

2> Hey, it MIGHT get you laid, Goodyear!


and Topfive.com's Number 1 Marketing
Slogan for a Maternity Thong...


1> The *safe* way to do crack while you're pregnant.

today we received the news that we'll be allowed nights out everyday, from 1700 - 2300.

it pretty much made everyone's day, especially those living nearby, but at the same time it just reinforces the fact that this so-called 'quarantine' is an utter farce, that the only reason we're being made to stay in is so that our higher-ups can say to their higher-ups ( in this case the lousy australians ), "look, i took this, this and this precautions. am i not a good little bitch?".

while it is stupid, at the same time nobody is complaining. since we're going to have to stay in anyway, better to stay in with nights out than without. i'm sure the mess would get pretty boring after the first couple of nights.

the accomodation is fairly good - ocs style. two beds, two lockers, two desks, two fans, two chairs, two table lamps. certainly far better than the digs in hendon. restrictions are pretty slack, too. at least there isn't any 0500 reveille and 5bx bullshit. and my room's previous occupants even left behind a pair of speakers which i can plug my md player into. not too bad, really.

If I Ever Happen To Become An Evil Overlord,


i will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. that way - even if the heroes manage to neutralise my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless - my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.


no matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. therefore, i will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

got a new fone today. nokia ( of course ) 6100. going for half price! bought digital camera today too. canon powershot a70. been out the whole day, though, so i haven't had time to fiddle with it. i'll sneak it into camp on monday and by the time the stupid 10 days are up i should be a regular pro...hehe.

muahahaha! check this!



check out the rest.

Raffles Institution


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